I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
