you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
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I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
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I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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