I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
