I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize