I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just pee around me
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
These tits shall not be calmed
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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