your parents love me but you hate me
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We need to get me chipped asap
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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