I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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