If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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