..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
