Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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