If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
