yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
