I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
