He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
