I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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