Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
