I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
