i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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