remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
