and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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