My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You don't make any sense
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