That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize