There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
