Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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