Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
handjob tips. give me some.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
