Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
