im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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