I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
