Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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