And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
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I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
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Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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