I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
