mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
