The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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