please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Holy sore nipples Batman
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
