smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
false alarm, still single
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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