the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
