I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
