I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
