8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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