I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
