Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
