I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
