Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
