cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
