well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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