he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
