Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
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