Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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