I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
