no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
