capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
