I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
