half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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