Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I supernannyed him into submission
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
