i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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