i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
This is classic penis vs brain.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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