Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
