I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We just shotgunned beers for America
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
