Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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