PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
