i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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