how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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